Emotions

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby....I eat it, sleep it, dream of all aspects of it, and have contractions in the evening pretty much every time I move.

I still have 11 more days 'til due date but I just cant stop thinking of it.

I keep hoping that she is going to come early - which in reality is not likely, seeing that Jack was over 2 weeks late and Sage was 1 week late. But I'm having contractions, I've totally been dropping (this evident in the fact that I continually hurt my belly now ramming it in the kitchen counter when before cooking and washing dishes were never problems. Is this what it would be like to be short?) I really don't mind at all being pregnant - I feel totally fine - but I'm just ready to have the baby. I've been very excited that past few days about Charlotte coming. That is why I want her to come. I'm excited for her and I am also ready just to get on with the next stage, none of this waiting game stuff.

This morning I really wanted contractions to start so I could get a 'break' from Jack and Sage, they were driving me so crazy. But then at lunch time they were so great together I was okay with waiting. (At one point they were sitting next to each other and Jack had his arm around Sage, she resting her head on his shoulder. Jack told her in the kindest voice, "Your my baby sister, aren't you Sage, my baby sister." And then he kissed her twice on the head.) I'm sure this is going to be one of those things that as soon as you stop caring and thinking about it, it will come. (Like in High School, when you wanted a boyfriend - one never came when you wanted one so badly and thought about it all the time. As soon as you move one, there one pops up.)

So overall I'm excited; I'm anxious; I'm tired and feel a little snappish with the kids; I'm ready yet am dreading the whole birthing process; I feel like I'm forever chasing my tail with housework and have a bazillion other things I need to do yet can't do it by myself and feel like I don't get anything done; I feel so blessed with my little family, Joel's work, our house, and our little life we are leading; I am trying to keep moving, to keep busy, and keep living until it is time, but I am so ready to go on to the next step. I want to have the baby while I'm still excited and not when that wears off and other emotions creep in. I know that I will probably be eating my words in a few weeks, wishing I had more time to enjoy and prepare. :)

Just thinking about it, I guess I have a lot that I want to do, like the garden, organizational and decorative projects, having a working toilet, things I want to make for the kids, things that I simply cannot do by myself or simply have no idea where to begin and mostly things that I need to wait for. I have Spring fever bad and perhaps the baby will just be one thing on my list that can be done in a relatively near time frame. I'm just ready to get a move on!

It is always interesting having a post to just spit it all out - thoughts that I usually keep quite personal is now out there. I feel so exposed. I actually feel that I need to stop sitting here on the computer and get a move on before the kids wake up too :) So, here I go to do all those things I said I wanted and needed to do - but who's kidding, I've already done 3 loads of laundry and it looks like not even a dent has been made. Hopefully I won't fall asleep during my scripture study...that happens from time to time... :)